I didn’t plan on quoting Dr. Seuss in the title but it fits. For those of you who have followed my journey this may seem repetitive, but I have been feeling the need to elaborate on it a bit more. My blogs never really got a lot of attention until I covered my surgery post with a picture of my incisions. Although you’d think readers would read your story and try to understand it, that wasn’t the case. I had some friends and even family members form their own opinions and thoughts about my journey before reading about it. I know my body better than anyone else does just as anyone else would know what’s going on in their body best.
I haven’t raced due to injuries and health mishaps for almost 2.5 years. I have experienced stress fractures, bone bruises, plantar fasciitis, etc. and have had my gallbladder and appendix removed within the past year. This was due to a digestive problem that had me unable to digest food properly and unable to keep it down. I will say this once more so please get this in your head if you have been ignorant/cruel enough to diagnose me with your own inferences… I have never, do not, and will never be bulimic. I have never forced myself to rid food in an unhealthy manner. With this little health complication, I have had trouble keeping weight off.
My weight has fluctuated within the past year. No. I am not overeating or sitting on the couch eating doughnuts every day. My body has been going through something and I have been trying my very best to change that and get back to my old self despite what some may be thinking.
I recently linked up with a nutritionist who was willing to help figure out what was going on within my body. I’ve seen endocrinologists, gynecologists, and gastroenterologists, as well as my primary, and no one understands why my body has been so stubborn. This nutritionist monitored my food intake and what I had been eating for the past few months and didn’t understand how my weight could be so stuck on staying the same. My hormones have been tested in the past and have always been out of range but not enough to diagnose something terribly wrong.
As of right now I’ve been slowly slowly able to take a bit of weight off, but it is frustrating as it is a slow process. I believe the most frustrating thing is others, which corresponds to the title of this blog; those who matter don’t mind. I’ve learned to not let others’ comments get to me because they don’t affect me.
I recently had a discussion with a person (will not identify) about my journey these past two years. I went into this conversation very happy with my training progress, but a little down that my weight hasn’t been dropping like I’ve been hoping. If I’ve learned anything from my peers this summer it’s that: everyone appreciates honesty until they’re butt hurt, then you’re a jerk. I am an advocate for honesty 100% but some things do not need to be said. I was told by this person that my body is not acceptable for higher level racing/performance and that I should think of reevaluating/adjusting my ambitions because I am “too heavy” for the sport.
I know this “person” had good intentions in our discussion but for someone to tell you that you will not succeed at the level you want because you are too heavy is something that should not be uttered so early. I am not planning to race for a while and my mindset/body composition/training level/fitness TODAY is not what it will be in MARCH. This is my journey. It’s a fresh start, and a new Meg.
That conversation left me very frustrated, down, and reevaluating my goals. After thinking about it and talking to the people who truly matter in my life about it, I have realized that people like “that person” do not matter. Their opinions are not relevant. I am Meg. I am not a size 00/0 right now. I am a size 2-4 and am a little heavier than I was 2 years ago, heck, even one year ago, but I am working my booty off to get back and faster.
The most important thing is that I am H-E-A-L-T-H-Y. I can’t remember the time I was last injury free (knock on wood) and H-A-P-P-Y. Am I happy with my body right now? No, but I know this is a process and my “future as a triathlete” is not dependent on what I do at this very moment. It is a long journey and a hopefully long time racing in this sport. My body will do what it does, when it does, and I will go with the flow and do my very best.
One of the most valuable things I’ve learned this summer is gratitude. Coming back from a summer of focusing solely on training has made me appreciate little things. I appreciate the workouts I do every day mixed in with classes, work, etc. I appreciate how I have to work a bit harder to fit everything in and accomplish all of my daily tasks. For this, when I do come back (to person: you have not broken my spirit), and come back hopefully successfully, I will have earned it. I am not just training, eating, napping, and taking maybe one class a semester while focusing on triathlon. That’s lovely and frankly I’m a bit jealous of that luxury, but the process of managing 20+ hours of training, 20 hours of work on campus, 16 hours of classes, and numerous hours of homework/studying, I appreciate what my body is allowing me to do and for the people that support me in doing this.
I am not the old Meg and I will not be her. I am starting fresh. I am training harder than before, I am focused more on my goals, and I feel like I have a better grasp on reality. I am so incredibly grateful for those who are supporting me and who believe in what I am capable of and will be capable of doing as time progresses. My speed will increase, my strength will continue to grow, and yes, I’ll be hopefully heading towards race weight when the time comes. For now, I am focusing on eating clean, training smart, being healthy, pursuing my goals, and surrounding myself with those who bring positivity/encouragement into my life.
Stay happy,
Meg
here are some recent pics of me not being brought down by your negative words, and enjoying my journey on the way back to speeeeeeeeeeeeeeed and racing one day at a time. hope ur day is gucci 🙂
Megan Dustin 